Reality Paper

Live and not worry-how to get over the past

If memories torment you and don’t allow you to live in peace, then the time has come to get rid of this toxic burden: you should learn from the past, forgive yourself and go to a bright future without unnecessary problems. Therefore, letting go of the past is very important. Here are eight tips on how to get over the past.

You should learn from the past. When it seems or you know for sure that you made a mistake in the past, you need to find some benefit in the situation so that it is not so offensive. Ask yourself what lesson can be learned from what happened. Analyze the answers, draw conclusions, and to consolidate the results, write them down in a notebook. This will help not only ease the torment but also avoid repeating the mistake in the future.

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Learn to forgive yourself and others. You can endlessly reproach yourself for a wrongful act or a missed opportunity. Therefore, it is important to forgive others and yourself. Do not be cruel to yourself: anyone can make a mistake, this is normal because only the one who does nothing is not mistaken. 

You should work on the mistakes. There are fatal mistakes in life that can’t be corrected. However, it is a rarity: relationships can be improved with the help of apologies and good deeds, and a mistake at work can be made up with deliberate work. Keep this in mind when you scold yourself for misbehaving. Spend the energy that goes into reflection, on correcting the mistake: think about the best way to do this, and get down to action.

Also, after making a mistake, it seems that it would be logical to do otherwise, so we mercilessly reproach ourselves for mistakes. We forget that in the past we acted on the basis of the circumstances in which we were, and of all possible options, we probably chose the most logical decision. Remember this when you scold yourself: remember why you did this, and, most likely, you will see that you made an informed decision.

Don’t exaggerate your guilt. Many people consider themselves to be the center of the world, and their own mistakes seem catastrophic to them. However, most often it is not so scary. Try to look at your mistake with an open mind: has your whole life gone downhill because of one mistake and it cannot be fixed? Or has it had dire consequences for other people? This is unlikely to be true, which means that you should not spend a lot of time on regrets.

We tend not only to sympathize with loved ones and friends but also to forgive a lot. It would be worth treating yourself the same way. Look at yourself through the eyes of a good friend, say words of consolation, and you will see that the error has bloated to the scale of a catastrophe only in your head, and to any other person, it will not seem so all-encompassing. Thus, this will ease the inner agony and help you look at the situation soberly.

Don’t forget that anything is possible in the future. When the world seems to have collapsed due to a mistake, think that there is still time ahead. Surely you can fix a lot in your life. This will require effort and work, but it is better to spend it on future achievements than on self-blame. The main thing is to learn to look ahead realistically, and not through the prism of already missed opportunities or wrong decisions.

Sometimes no tricks of the mind help explain past behavior. Then there is only one step left – to accept and love your life as a whole, with all its victories and failures. 

Scientists have found that if a person has too many old memories, it is more difficult for him to create new ones. So leave the past without regret. It’s time to live in the present.

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